dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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