you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
