mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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