Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
