I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
