im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
