She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
should my penis look like a turkey
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
