Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Randomize
