I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
