i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I just found a bag of teeth...
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
