i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
