Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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