yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
