I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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