your parents love me but you hate me
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
