so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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