I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
