I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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