dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
