i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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