how can u be prego again
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Randomize
