i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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