Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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