My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
