Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
