we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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