So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
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