get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
