you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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