I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
