God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
