Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize
