the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
