1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
