And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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