My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
