if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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