i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
