we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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