She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
