I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Randomize
