Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
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