i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
