I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
