Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
