you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
