haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
