pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
