Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
