i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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