You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
