Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
